Crossroads at 50

I've been a bit stressed out the past few days. I'm turning 50 on August 22nd and it's caused me to take stock of my life and where I am in my journey. 

I moved into this little house in November of 1999 after a nervous breakdown and discovering (although in many ways I already knew) that I was HIV+. Tensions between my parents and I were running high and the decision was made to allow me to live in my Great Aunts old house. My father bought half her land to build the house myself and my sisters grew up in. My Great Aunt Marie (pronounced Mare-E for reasons that always alluded me) died in 1988 when I was on a trip with my high school marching band. 

This house has been terrific for me, but things are starting to break down. The house was built in the 1940s and most of the appliances were as well. The yard is also a big problem as it is overgrown and well beyond my capacity to take care of.

There's a problem, however. 

I love my job at Publix. I've been there going on 13 years now and I'm building quite a nestegg. Publix as well as most retail outlets, however, doesn't hire full time. It wouldn't really work as a cashier anyway, because you have to be so careful about going over 40 hours. They really don't want to pay that overtime. I'm not really qualified to do anything else...that you can legally be paid for...and i don't want to do anything else anyway. 

I've looked into ways to earn money by blogging, etc. but it seems really complicated to me. Most advice I read says you have to specialize, but that's the opposite of who I am. I consider myself a renaissance man and as a person born during the cusp of exposure, varied interests is what we're all about. 

Buying the house for myself has occurred to me, but I don't have that kind of money and I have too much debt to begin with to even consider taking on more.

I have seen apartments listed in Greenville and Greer for less than $1,000/month, some for less than $600, but finding an extra $1K/month is proving difficult not to mention the added expense (even in terms of labor) of moving all my stuff. Ive looked into instacart and shipt, but the interview process for shipt is ridiculous and instacart has no openings right now. Also why spend any more time in a grocery store than necessary? My house is so "lived in" (to put it politely) it's just impractical to consider moving.

So I find myself in the same place I always do when I panic about my future and my living situation. I've got it pretty good. I need to do better in some places but other things I'm just going to have to accept are out of my control. Just do your best Daniel Patten. That's all you can do. Don't be so afraid to ask for help when you need it. And keep at it. You'll be 50 soon. 10 years away from your senior discount at Publix and not that much futher away than being able to retire (although that's probably further away than I think).

I feel better now that I've "talked things out". I haven't really watched any of my normal shows today I've been so preoccupied. Perhaps a nap is in order soon. And I eat like a retired person and it's 4:00. Have a good day everyone. Thanks for reading. 

Like Sands through the Hourglass and hunks in undies.

Rather than climb back up on my soapbox and preach to the choir, I thought I would spend some time discussing what I'm currently watching and one thing I have been watching off an on since 8th Grade. (With my 50th birthday approaching fast we won't calculate how long that has been.)

It started with my grandmother on my mother's side and her 13 (I believe) sisters (more siblings died in childhood if I'm not mistaken). Not all of them lived in the upstate of South Carolina but any time we had a family gathering, everything stopped at 1:00 pm for Days of our Lives (except 4th of July when Wimbledon preempted Days). And of course my grandmother was a frequent babysitter, and i remember watching one episode with her vividly. 

Bo Brady kidnapped Hope Williams on his motorcycle from her impending marriage to Larry Welsh. That hooked me.  DVRs were either then or soon invented and we would watch as a family after school. I got away from it a bit in college, although I remember spats with my boyfriend at the time who was a fan of the Young and the Restless. Our compromise was sometimes watching all of Y&R and the end of Days, or half of Y&R and all of Days. 

I think I missed the original "Buried Alive" storyline and a few others. I was front and center for Marlena's possesion storyline which I still hear about from fans of other soap operas saying how stupid it was. My answer to them is it was (1995) 25 years ago and you're still talking about it.  Who won that one? When i had DirecTV with DVR, the episodes would back up and i would frequently give up. For a while the episodes aired nightly on Soap Opera Network, then they moved to TV Guide Network (now known as Pop!). When that was no longer an option, my pattern became only watching on my weekdays off.

Recent events, however,  have had Days preempted more than usual and I discovered the NBC app a while ago. The episodes on the NBC app typically last 37:30 and it avoids many of the other pitfalls of the network broadcast. 

In addition to frequent breaking news updates, the political ads are just infuriating. Normally they would only be a minor annoyance but the lies and distortions mainly by donald trump and Lyndsey Graham are maddening. Also, I don't know if this is true in other parts of the country, but our local television stations are suffering from a weather insanity. Crawlers across the screen, watch and warning inset maps in the corner and that's if you're lucky. The tiniest little thunderstorm and they're on there in front of their "Live Super Doppler" maps telling you that there's a thunderstorm. In the South. In the Summer. News flash: It's pretty much a given. Interrupt if there's a tornado or earthquake or something. 

A recent storyline on Days has also grabbed my attention.  Ben, portrayed by the gorgeous Robert Scott Wilson,  was kidnapped during a bombing at the church where he had just gotten married. The culprit was Eve, who's daughter he killed when he was the necktie strangler. Eve's plan is to turn the reformed Ben back into the necktie strangler and kill his new wife.

The fact that Ben has been strapped to a chair and tourtured in his underwear has a little to do with my interest I'll admit. 

As the new episodes are released at 8:00 PM, I'm undergoing a slight change in my viewing habits. Tuesday morning I had a 7:30 am shift, so Monday Night Raw was out and Mondays Days became part of my viewing. I'm off this coming Tuesday-Thursday so I will probably not watch Mondays episode until Tuesday although staying up an extra few minutes is also possible. Tuesday night is usually open (if I was off Wednesday All Star Trek on H&I would be my goto, but that will probably change). Wednesday is my big wrestling night and coincidentally long before Wednesday became the big wrestling night it has become, I always had and still have Thursdays off. So in recent weeks I have watched NXT from 8:00-10:00, then gone directly to my recording of AEW Dynamite. With my new goal to watch Days regularly, I may watch Wednesdays Days at 10:00 and save AEW for Thursday. Thursday night is usually a big night for sports and depending on how early I have to be in Friday and what's on etc., Thursdays episode may also have to wait. Friday night is Smackdown on FOX 8:00-10:00 followed by 205 live on WWE Network which usually lasts 30 minutes. That's another TBD and might have to wait until the weekend. 

Today was my first day off in a while that I did not watch Days of our Lives at 1:00. I watched my usual fare, which included an episode of Babylon 5, an episode of Dark Shadows (the original), a 4 episode classic Doctor Who (with some internet struggles) and also listened to some music (it's almost always New Age music to relax). I'm currently watching a hockey game, which a new game has started while I'm typing this. It's just about dinner and pill time, wrestling will be not long afterward. I'm off Friday as well as my usual Thursday this week so plenty of chances to stream my favorites.