Crossroads at 50

I've been a bit stressed out the past few days. I'm turning 50 on August 22nd and it's caused me to take stock of my life and where I am in my journey. 

I moved into this little house in November of 1999 after a nervous breakdown and discovering (although in many ways I already knew) that I was HIV+. Tensions between my parents and I were running high and the decision was made to allow me to live in my Great Aunts old house. My father bought half her land to build the house myself and my sisters grew up in. My Great Aunt Marie (pronounced Mare-E for reasons that always alluded me) died in 1988 when I was on a trip with my high school marching band. 

This house has been terrific for me, but things are starting to break down. The house was built in the 1940s and most of the appliances were as well. The yard is also a big problem as it is overgrown and well beyond my capacity to take care of.

There's a problem, however. 

I love my job at Publix. I've been there going on 13 years now and I'm building quite a nestegg. Publix as well as most retail outlets, however, doesn't hire full time. It wouldn't really work as a cashier anyway, because you have to be so careful about going over 40 hours. They really don't want to pay that overtime. I'm not really qualified to do anything else...that you can legally be paid for...and i don't want to do anything else anyway. 

I've looked into ways to earn money by blogging, etc. but it seems really complicated to me. Most advice I read says you have to specialize, but that's the opposite of who I am. I consider myself a renaissance man and as a person born during the cusp of exposure, varied interests is what we're all about. 

Buying the house for myself has occurred to me, but I don't have that kind of money and I have too much debt to begin with to even consider taking on more.

I have seen apartments listed in Greenville and Greer for less than $1,000/month, some for less than $600, but finding an extra $1K/month is proving difficult not to mention the added expense (even in terms of labor) of moving all my stuff. Ive looked into instacart and shipt, but the interview process for shipt is ridiculous and instacart has no openings right now. Also why spend any more time in a grocery store than necessary? My house is so "lived in" (to put it politely) it's just impractical to consider moving.

So I find myself in the same place I always do when I panic about my future and my living situation. I've got it pretty good. I need to do better in some places but other things I'm just going to have to accept are out of my control. Just do your best Daniel Patten. That's all you can do. Don't be so afraid to ask for help when you need it. And keep at it. You'll be 50 soon. 10 years away from your senior discount at Publix and not that much futher away than being able to retire (although that's probably further away than I think).

I feel better now that I've "talked things out". I haven't really watched any of my normal shows today I've been so preoccupied. Perhaps a nap is in order soon. And I eat like a retired person and it's 4:00. Have a good day everyone. Thanks for reading. 

Like Sands through the Hourglass and hunks in undies.

Rather than climb back up on my soapbox and preach to the choir, I thought I would spend some time discussing what I'm currently watching and one thing I have been watching off an on since 8th Grade. (With my 50th birthday approaching fast we won't calculate how long that has been.)

It started with my grandmother on my mother's side and her 13 (I believe) sisters (more siblings died in childhood if I'm not mistaken). Not all of them lived in the upstate of South Carolina but any time we had a family gathering, everything stopped at 1:00 pm for Days of our Lives (except 4th of July when Wimbledon preempted Days). And of course my grandmother was a frequent babysitter, and i remember watching one episode with her vividly. 

Bo Brady kidnapped Hope Williams on his motorcycle from her impending marriage to Larry Welsh. That hooked me.  DVRs were either then or soon invented and we would watch as a family after school. I got away from it a bit in college, although I remember spats with my boyfriend at the time who was a fan of the Young and the Restless. Our compromise was sometimes watching all of Y&R and the end of Days, or half of Y&R and all of Days. 

I think I missed the original "Buried Alive" storyline and a few others. I was front and center for Marlena's possesion storyline which I still hear about from fans of other soap operas saying how stupid it was. My answer to them is it was (1995) 25 years ago and you're still talking about it.  Who won that one? When i had DirecTV with DVR, the episodes would back up and i would frequently give up. For a while the episodes aired nightly on Soap Opera Network, then they moved to TV Guide Network (now known as Pop!). When that was no longer an option, my pattern became only watching on my weekdays off.

Recent events, however,  have had Days preempted more than usual and I discovered the NBC app a while ago. The episodes on the NBC app typically last 37:30 and it avoids many of the other pitfalls of the network broadcast. 

In addition to frequent breaking news updates, the political ads are just infuriating. Normally they would only be a minor annoyance but the lies and distortions mainly by donald trump and Lyndsey Graham are maddening. Also, I don't know if this is true in other parts of the country, but our local television stations are suffering from a weather insanity. Crawlers across the screen, watch and warning inset maps in the corner and that's if you're lucky. The tiniest little thunderstorm and they're on there in front of their "Live Super Doppler" maps telling you that there's a thunderstorm. In the South. In the Summer. News flash: It's pretty much a given. Interrupt if there's a tornado or earthquake or something. 

A recent storyline on Days has also grabbed my attention.  Ben, portrayed by the gorgeous Robert Scott Wilson,  was kidnapped during a bombing at the church where he had just gotten married. The culprit was Eve, who's daughter he killed when he was the necktie strangler. Eve's plan is to turn the reformed Ben back into the necktie strangler and kill his new wife.

The fact that Ben has been strapped to a chair and tourtured in his underwear has a little to do with my interest I'll admit. 

As the new episodes are released at 8:00 PM, I'm undergoing a slight change in my viewing habits. Tuesday morning I had a 7:30 am shift, so Monday Night Raw was out and Mondays Days became part of my viewing. I'm off this coming Tuesday-Thursday so I will probably not watch Mondays episode until Tuesday although staying up an extra few minutes is also possible. Tuesday night is usually open (if I was off Wednesday All Star Trek on H&I would be my goto, but that will probably change). Wednesday is my big wrestling night and coincidentally long before Wednesday became the big wrestling night it has become, I always had and still have Thursdays off. So in recent weeks I have watched NXT from 8:00-10:00, then gone directly to my recording of AEW Dynamite. With my new goal to watch Days regularly, I may watch Wednesdays Days at 10:00 and save AEW for Thursday. Thursday night is usually a big night for sports and depending on how early I have to be in Friday and what's on etc., Thursdays episode may also have to wait. Friday night is Smackdown on FOX 8:00-10:00 followed by 205 live on WWE Network which usually lasts 30 minutes. That's another TBD and might have to wait until the weekend. 

Today was my first day off in a while that I did not watch Days of our Lives at 1:00. I watched my usual fare, which included an episode of Babylon 5, an episode of Dark Shadows (the original), a 4 episode classic Doctor Who (with some internet struggles) and also listened to some music (it's almost always New Age music to relax). I'm currently watching a hockey game, which a new game has started while I'm typing this. It's just about dinner and pill time, wrestling will be not long afterward. I'm off Friday as well as my usual Thursday this week so plenty of chances to stream my favorites. 

Despite price hike..YouTube TV remains the best service.

To take a break from the political, and because we're a few hours away from opening day, I thought I'd take the opportunity to bring up the recent price hike by YouTube TV. 

While it is somewhat disappointing, I've tried other free (and not so free) trials of other services and none of them match the quality I get from YouTube TV. Other live TV services I've tried constantly skip and freeze, no doubt due to limited internet speed on my "unlimited" data plan.

Of the other services,  Hulu with live TV does not have BBC America which is a must when new episodes of Doctor Who are aired. AT&Ts service, which i believe used to be DirecTV Now, double charged me after i canceled their service.  In order to get both USA and BBC America as well as ESPN on Sling, i would have to subscribe to both the Orange and Blue plans which is $40 and to get SEC Network and ACC Network, I would have to add the sports package at $15. I may be able to get by without the DVR upgrade, that's $5 and still wouldn't compare to YouTube TV's unlimited DVR. I would be up to $60 with no guarantee of the quality. 

The only time YouTube TV freezes or skips is if i don't stay off my tablet while it is connected to my Google Chromecast. The picture sometimes suffers during heavy internet traffic times, but for the most part is very good.

There is something to be said about the channels added being ones I've learned to live without, but i have already enjoyed episodes of "The Andy Griffith Show" on weekday afternoons as well as "The Golden Girls" on Sunday morning and afternoon. The continuing lack of access to Hallmark Channel has been a blessing in disguise as I no longer stay up late watching the "Girls". I have yet to enjoy "The Daily Show" on Comedy Central as my work and TV schedule haven't really allowed a viewing. I could record it of course but I'm not sure when I would find the time to watch. 

I've also recently been using my Google Chromecast much more than my Amazon Fire Stick. It's been a very long time since Amazon and Google fortunately settled their differences and we can now cast Amazon Prime to Chromecast. I've found that Amazon Prime works as well if not better on Google Chromecast. The episodes, for example, play all the way to the end and through the end credits before loading the next episode; something we classic Doctor Who fans appreciate. With fire stick i had to either hit the "return(?)" button before the next episode or give up on watching the end credits. I also don't often "binge" watch, instead watching one episode at a time. Amazon fire stick can also be temperamental at times of heavy internet traffic. 

I'm holding out hope that YouTube TV will come out with some tiered pricing plans before my bill officially goes up in late August, but regardless they remain my best option for streaming live TV. For the record, I am committed to streaming. I don't want to return to rain outs of satellite or have people in my house hooking up cable and internet. That would also involve changing mobile providers and I'm happy with the status quo. I may just have to bite the bullet on the price hike although Google may lose a lot of customers over this.

Jo No! What a dilemma!

I learned a very interesting thing the other day when i was curious who was the 

Libertarian presidential candidate in 2020.

I know her. It's Jo Jorgensen whose congressional campaign I was heavily involved with in 1992. It presented a bit of a dilemma but this complicates things further. I took the isidewith.com quiz as I do fairly often...

46%. The thing is I don't think my views really changed but in 1992 I was swept along by my friend David. I was also like most of Generation X raised during the "Reagan Revolution". We were raised to hate those "tax and spend" Democrats. So when I came out of the closet as a gay man and learned from my new gay friends that the Republicans did not support my right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness like they claim, I didn't switch over to the Democrats. I met my friend David and much of what happened next would make a great trashy tell-all one day.

So here's the problem. Can I NOT vote for someone who had such a big influence on my life? Can I not vote for Uncle Joe in this crucial election? 

The reason I'm able to consider my vote is because of the electoral college WHICH NEEDS TO GO!

The electoral college allows candidates to concentrate on a few "swing" states and ignore so called "safe states". Of course Republicans want to keep the electoral college, it has benefited them each time. If we went to a popular vote, Republicans would have to broaden their appeal and not just be the gun loving, gay bashing, immigrant hating, tax hating,  women's reproductive rights opposing country club. They might even return to being the big tent party we grew up loving and admiring. 

On the other hand, we anti-republucans in "safe states" like South Carolina have an option of casting a 'meaningless' protest vote.

I love Uncle Joe. There's a reason he's nicknamed that, everybody (well almost everybody) loves him. I really want him to win just like I wanted Hillary to win but fell for what I now believe was a phony vote trading website and voted for Gary Johnson....and I want the orange pussbag to lose. But if I do cast a 'protest vote'....why would I vote for someone I only agree with 46%..when I agree with Howie Hawkins 92%?

I prefer the French system. You have rounds of voting where you can vote for anyone in the first round but you must choose between the top 2 in the second round. 

The gap between the Green Party and the Democrats is a little smaller at least according to my latest survey.  

So I have some thinking to do. I think i may have to overlook my fondness for Jo in favor of Joe. Howie is also in the mix. Oh my 2020 is getting more and more interesting. 

Liberals are Patriots!

I had a harrowing experience driving home the other day. Some trump supporters, obviously upset by my "Democrat" and HRC magnets on my car, began yelling at me and waving a MAGA hat out the window. As the pulled away in a turn lane they yelled "Donald trump....trump 2020.."followed by the N-word, which puzzles me as I am white, I guess they were working on assumption. As if that were bad enough I have to put up with outrageous comments from conservative coworkers. One that was said today is an attitude that I am so sick of.

My coworker told a customer that we may not have "4th of July" anymore "The way things are going ".

I knew what my coworker was trying to say and i almost started throwing groceries at him very hard.

My coworker was advancing the narrative that Democrats are so unpatriotic that we would try to stop people from celebrating the 4th of July. 

BULL...

forgive my language....

SHIT!

Recognizing that our country has not always lived up to it's ideals is not unpatriotic. 

Far from it.

Recognizing that our country can do better is not unpatriotic. 

Far from it.

Republicans also claim to be the party of "fiscal responsibility".

I've seen the memes.

Deficits go up under Republican administrations. 

They go down under Democratic administrations. 

Bill Clinton....lord knows the Republicans have made the Clintons public enemy #1....some of it is deserved. He did wag his finger at us and say "I did not have sexual relations with that woman".

Put that aside. The man had a budget surplus. 

Republicans now claim we can't afford universal health care while there's plenty of money for wars and corporate bailouts. They stop at nothing to try to strip individuals of health care , particularly the most vulnerable. 

Republicans also claim moral superiority. 

How many Republicans have been disgraced by extra marital activities. Or homosexuality while opposing every pro LGBTQ piece of legislation. 'Lady G' for example. 

I came across some information online that suggests that the bible doesn't in fact condemn what we think of as modern day homosexuality. The line conservatives love to throw out "Man shall not lie down with man" actually reads "man shall not lie down with young boy" and where it says "homosexuals shall not inherit the earth", the word used was the word for "boy abusers" or "boy molesters". There was a practice in ancient Greece of the sexual pairing young boys with older men known as pederasty. That is what the bible condemns.  The word "homosexual" was not invented until 1862 in Germany and doesn't appear in print in the bible until the 1940s. This use of the bible to justify discrimination against homosexuals is

BULL...

again forgive my language....

SHIT!

I came across an old notebook from high school the other day. It of course had a "Campbell" bumper sticker from Carol Campbell's campaign for governor here in South Carolina in 1986. I've mentioned in past blogs that i went to elementary school with his son Mike Campbell. Also on my old notebook however is also a bumper sticker for his opponent in 1986, Mike Daniel. Part of the reason is of course Daniel is the name I've always gone by but it also shows how bipartisan we were. We didn't hate people who had a difference of opinion. That's the difference in politics of that time and now. Republicans and Democrats had a difference of opinion then.

Now it's a difference in morality.

(Deep Space) 9 to (Babylon) 5

After about 3 years watching an episode at a time on my days off, early afternoons, etc. I have finally completed my viewing of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine all the way through. I have some observations. 

I've never really studied acting. I never did school plays or anything like that so I'm not an expert. The acting on DS9, however,  was out of this world (pun fully intended). I particularly loved some of the relationships in the show, Odo and Quark; Dr. Bashier and Chief O'Brian; Worf and Dax (both Jadzia and Ezri). I didn't think I would like Ezri Dax after Jadzia died, but I found her to be a very sympathetic character. My favorite episode was "Take me out to the Holosuite", because of my love of both Star Trek and Baseball which I wrote about in a previous blog. 

The next logical step of course is to watch "Babylon 5" as it was produced around the same time and a quick internet search will net tons of results on speculation about how Babylon 5 was pitched to Paramount before Warner Bros. picked it up and how similar both shows are. Accusations of plagiarism abound between fans of both shows. According to many of my science-fiction inclined friends, Babylon 5 is the superior show and if that's the case I'm in for a real treat because I have a very high opinion of DS9 going in.

The question now is how to watch B5? It airs on Comet TV and it is recorded/recording on my YouTube TV DVR, however I would have to fast forward through commercials and ignore the big on screen logo for Comet TV. There is a more political question, however. Comet TV is owned by the evil Sinclair broadcasting,  which forces local newscasts of the stations they own to run pro-trump news stories with or without objections from the local anchors and producers. Also in question is the fact that I watched DS9 commercial free and sat back and relaxed while I watched. Comet TV will take a few weeks to cycle back around to Season 1 and i would have to be prepared to skip through commercials. 

Babylon 5 is available on several platforms, but i was pleased to learn that Amazon Prime now offers the full series at $29.99/season. I was short on hours on my paycheck this week, so i will have to wait a little longer to begin my viewing.  It seems more fair to watch it commercial free on Amazon Prime as I did with DS9 even if it costs me a little bit extra. I'm certainly not buying it by the episode at $1.99/each!

So my plan is set. Sometime I also need to pull out my "Firefly" DVD set and give that a watch as well. Maybe while I wait to be able to afford Babylon 5!

Shaving the "Traditional" way, but with a twist.

I'm having another one of my sleepless nights so best thing to do is blog about what's on my mind.

It's early on Sunday May 24th now.

In a previous ous blog, I talked about how I was making more environmentally conscious decisions about my everyday life, the latest change is coming in the form of my shaving routine. 

I have been using Dollar Shave Club for years. My facial hair is so light that i didn't really change the blades often and i built up a backlog. I still have 7 (one 5-pack and another one in another pack plus the one I was currently using) but I decided not to wait. I have made the change to a double sided safety razor. 

After first finding a company called Leafshave and finding their blades too complicated (you had to snap them in half and load 2 or 3 into the razor) I found Rockwell which was a more traditional safety razor. They had several models but the one I liked, the R1 also called "The Rookie", wasn't available on the Rockwell website. I found it on Amazon, however with 5 blades. The next step was "shaving the traditional way". 

The shave kits on Rockwell's website all came with their more sophisticated razors (you could change the settings to a "more aggressive" shave which sounded scary. The R1 is the lowest setting (hince being called "The Rookie") and with my light facial hair it's probably all I need. Because I am a convert to Dr. Squatch soap,  I thought I would try their shave kit.

Traditional shaving involves a brush and shave soap. You soak the brush in warm water (I did that while I was in the shower), shake off the water, circle the brush in the shave soap and then brush the soap on your face.

Here's where it didn't work for me. My light facial hair meant the soap dissipated quickly. It was practically gone by the time i went to shave. The shaving itself went very well...I half expected to cut myself up the first few tries but not even a nick. When i shave this morning I will use the rest of my traditional shaving cream and see how that goes. I ordered some shaving cream from Rockwell and I also had previously ordered a "blade safe" to store the used blades before recycling and a 20 pack of blades. 

I will update this blog later with the results. Until then....

So after 4:00 I gave up and decided to get up. About 4:30 I had a bowl of chili (really starting the day off right aren't I?)

I then showered and shaved using traditional shaving cream and it worked just fine in fact a lot better than the disappearing shave soap. I still need to work on shaving under my chin both on the sides and directly underneath but I learned online it takes practice to get the hang a safety razor. No cuts at all, I think I was right to start with the R1 even if I had to get it on Amazon and not through Rockwell. I think I'm going to like this new routine.